In the intricate dance of life, the ability to communicate effectively and persuade others is a skill that can make or break relationships and careers. It’s a skill that transcends boundaries, from the intimate realm of marriage to the fast-paced world of business. It ranges from convincing your partner to take time away from the kids for a date night to convincing a team to put an important topic on the meeting agenda.
Today, we’re going to explore this fascinating world of persuasion while trying not to trip over our own toes. The good news: you are in good company – almost everyone I work with in some way or other deals with wanting to persuade people better. If it were easy, there wouldn’t be so many books written about it!
**Positive Intelligence: The Foundation (The Pivot Step)**
Mastering the art of persuasion is not just about convincing others but also about understanding yourself and your audience on a deeper level. By embracing these techniques and conquering your inner critic, you’ll become a persuasive force to be reckoned with.
Before we dive headfirst into the deep pool of persuasion, let’s lay the groundwork with the concept of positive intelligence. In simple terms, it’s that essential moment in persuasion where:
- You recognize your inner negative talk / pressure
- You recognize the same in your dance partner
- You realize that prevents a common way forward
- You channel calm, curiosity, confidence and creativity to pivot
- You turn the conversation around to find a way forward
**Marriage: The Laboratory of Connection (Also Known as “The Happily Ever Arguments”)**
Marriage, the ultimate laboratory of connection, is where we conduct experiments in persuasion over many years. It’s like a series of dances where partners take turns leading. In this intimate setting, persuasion is putting the long game ahead of simply being right. It’s about mutual understanding and learning to stumble over each other’s toes in disagreement in a constructive way.
The key ingredient is understanding the why underlying the objections, finding common ground and navigating through this whole dance when you are in your best state of mind. This means sometimes leaving the dance floor temporarily until that’s possible.
We all stumble in the dance of marriage (I speak from recent experience); it’s about taking the stumble with perspective and finding our rhythm again. Humor is often the best sign in these situations that you’re soon dancing back in sync.
**Business: A Different Dancefloor**
In the business world, persuasion takes on a different form. Here, the stakes may be higher, and the objective is often more transactional. However, the principles of connection, courage, and vulnerability remain vital. Building a strong rapport with business partners is akin to a successful marriage – except instead of discussing whose turn it is to do the dishes, you’re negotiating multi-million-dollar deals. Close enough, right?
**Understanding Persuasion**
At its core, persuasion is about offering a solution to a felt need. Simple, right?
**Preparation for Persuasion**
Here’s a quick checklist to prepare for persuasion:
- Identify the need and the gift you’re delivering. To get to the heart of that need, we employ a powerful technique of asking “why” in 5 iterations.
Some dance step variations: At the end of your life looking back, what will still matter about that situation? What is important to you about that? What does that make possible? How does that feel?
- Define the problem in your audience’s words and understand why it’s essential to them.
- Practice grounding techniques to calm your body and mind chatter and shift to optimism about your partnership with your audience. When you have genuine desire to make a partnership work, you will be the most convincing.
- Craft memorable messages and stories to address your audience’s needs.
- Anticipate and prepare for your audience’s objections.
- Choose the sage mode that address your and your audience best: playful curiosity, calm wisdom, empathy, smart action, innovation.
**The Role of Presence and Calm (Because Freaking Out Won’t Get You That Promotion)**
In both marriage and business, non-verbal communication plays a pivotal role. Your presence and composure can either strengthen or weaken your persuasive efforts. Being fully present in the moment with your partner or business associate demonstrates respect and attentiveness. Moreover, maintaining a calm demeanor can diffuse tense situations and foster a receptive atmosphere. Besides, nobody ever got a promotion by yelling “fire in the conference room!” during a meeting.
**The Dance of Persuasion (Or the Art of Not Stepping on Toes)**
The art of persuasion is a delicate dance that we perform throughout our lives, whether we’re trying to convince our spouse to choose a vacation destination or negotiating with a crucial business partner. It all starts with positive intelligence, the ability to maintain a constructive mindset.
So, whether you’re navigating the intricacies of marriage or forging partnerships in the corporate world, remember that effective communication and persuasion are not just skills but a reflection of your positive intelligence and your ability to connect, have courage, be vulnerable, and maintain a presence of calm.
It’s a lifelong journey of learning, growing, and mastering the art of persuasion, with just a pinch of dry humor to keep it fun.
Mastering the art of persuasion is not just about convincing others but also about understanding yourself and your audience on a deeper level. By embracing these techniques and conquering your inner saboteurs, you’ll dance the steps of persuasion with more ease.
To do more deep work on the art of persuasion, click here for the PQ Persuasion Worksheet.
