“Make space for something better in your life.”

That’s what my friend told me when I was contemplating if and how to finally leave my abusive first husband.

Isn’t that what a lot of decisions are about? Not necessarily about dangerous situations but 2 key questions.

What do you want to let go of? What do you chose to let in?

Read on to find a collection of real life anecdotes and key questions to gain a 360’ perspective your decision making.

The average adult makes 35000 conscious and semi conscious decisions every day.

I shared this in a previous blog post and got the full spectrum of responses. On one end – “that’s a very intimating fact, there are so many opportunities to make mistakes.” On the other end – “that’s fascinating.”

How do you perceive this decision and its consequences? As a threat? How could it be an opportunity to learn?

Now not all those 35,000 decisions are life and death. There are some like what color of socks do I wear to work. This is where some people opt for deciding on a routine to free up their mind and energy for the bigger decisions. Marshall goldsmith wears green polo shirts every day, for example.

So what about those big ones, like do I put myself forward for this incredibly leadership position with a very competitive recruiting process or play it safe with another one that’s less exciting? A client of mind made the courageous choice and she was successful. Later she told me it was because she wanted to drive her own car. She was clear about what gave her purpose and that gave her clarity and confidence to overcome any doubts.

What’s driving your decisions? Fear? Or love of purpose? What gives you the most sense of purpose?

What will still matter to you and your close ones in a year? What would your year older self tell you to pay attention to at this turning point?

A few thousand decisions and one year after my divorce I was facing a decision to let someone in to my life further. I had reinvented myself and my life and loved it.
I was pretty sure I was attracting the people that would support that, but how could I be sure?

In true HR Fashion I made an excursion with one of his friends and shared openly my fears and assumptions. She was an honest, kind and grounded person and was able to debunk my mind myths.

What assumptions am I making about this decision? How can I test them?
Who are my Allies I can test them with?

A few thousand decisions, several years and several life changes (remarriage and 2 beautiful children later) my life has become richer.
Do we always make perfect decisions? No. However perfection is not inviting. It’s a downright illusion in the realm of decisions.

Several clients of mine face decisions on how to communicate big changes in their organizations. They face pressure to communicate and execute perfectly. Here is where purpose vs. fear is useful. Also the simple fact that vulnerability IS inviting.

Of all of the decisions we have to make about these changes, which ones will be ok even if I or my team don’t make a perfect effort? Statistically speaking these will be about 80% of them. How can we do these then with more ease and flow?

Which of these decisions will still have a lasting impact in a year? Statistically speaking this is the other 20%. What values do we uphold in these important decisions?

When I work with clients that are in a culture with high conflict, and the psychological safety off, and every mistake seems under the microscope. If we take a step back and look at the full color spectrum of our lives, the impact of these decisions is put into perspective. Even if I make a mistake and this decision what’s the chance that I will be OK the next day? In a week? In a month? In a year?

If you remember, one thing about this post is that no one will make your decisions for you how you show up in group decisions is also a conscious effort however, with a few questions and people to draw out the best in you, a new path of optimism will rise up to meet you.

Photo caption: this photo was taken at the Parthenon in the acropolis in Athens, Greece. From a far the Parthenon looks like it has all straight lines. Well, in fact, there are no straight lines about it at all. The ancient Greeks built the Parthenon with curved lines, so you can see when you look up close. It gives the illusion of straight lines from a distance. A good lesson about taking a holistic perspective and challenging your assumptions in your decision making process.